And how does that make you feel?


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Posting Elemental
Posting Elemental

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Post Sun Aug 22, 2010 5:21 pm

Re: And how does that make you feel?

She glanced up as the look of surprise she'd seen in his face showed in his words, making him speak in an arrested voice. A knowing sadness radiated from her eyes as she looked at him, wishing desperately that she could somehow spare him this fumbling pain. He had a good heart, or at the least he seemed to.

"I suppose it would be a little blasphemous to have something so large happen only to forget about it in the end."

She looked passed him to the bush as the ladybug again took flight, landing this time on Avalanche's cheek. It was an interesting looking plant, but if you looked - if you really looked, you could see the pain of it all, still there and lingering. It was a survivor; there would never be any getting rid of what happened. It wouldn't leave, the pain would never fade entirely. And more than growing uniquely, the bush would always bear a mark from what had happened, even if the tree were moved now. It was branded, something that had been broken and refused to die from it.

It was a sad truth, for her eyes. But the bush couldn't hold her gaze. She looked again to the pale stallion, enjoying the cool air he hugged to himself even as he realized that it had seeped in to poison his mind, to strangle the life from his essence.

But did he realize it now, really? Could he see a true depth of it within him, or would this moment, like so many others, be lost within the cold confines of distance? She understood her bonded better, now, understood why the strange creature gently pushed and demanded that she and all the others be honest with themselves at the least.

How deeply had his thoughts, his realizations, touched him? Had he let down all the cold distance that shielded him, let it strike true and deep, let himself be fully honest in his own mind and heart? Had she? She thought she had, that she'd stopped running from herself, but she was so exhausted inside, so numb from all of it, that it was hard to tell. Would it still bear the same weight in the morning?

The tree weighed just as heavy on the bush now as it had the day before. But that didn't mean that the bush would allow itself to be as aware of it as it had been then.

"I'm done," she proclaimed, her voice flat and final as she turned to stare up at the sky, holding in a few lingering tears that shimmered in her eyes. "No more distance for me. No more trying to run from parts of myself, no more fooling myself and splintering because of it. No more." She shook her head, taking a shaky breath as her eyes slid closed, almost as if preparing for some great feat. "No more," she murmured.

She, at least, would finally be strong enough to face off with it - all of it, no picking what she should be, where she should go. She had to face herself, be honest with herself, if nothing else. It was clear now, rather unexpectedly, why her bonded insisted on it from her, all of them. She was gentle about it, but insist she did, with an occasional smack upside the head for those who wanted to try and sneer down at her for it. Flint, she had heard, had needed several of these smacks, before she earned his respect as well, made him face off with himself and prove he was strong enough to stand against the truth inside him.

No more acting strong. Time to be strong. Time to be honest with herself.

"That's where you start," she whispered, looking again at this stallion that blanketed her in the cool touch that made her all the more aware of moisture in the air. "You start with one step, and from there you just.. Keep moving. I can't think of where, I can't choose. Just move. Grow. For me, this is the first step. I was running from it, distancing myself from.. Myself, trying to choose a single option, one piece. But no more. I swear it."

Her voice shook slightly as she said as much, but her eyes blazed fiercely. She was scared, beyond scared. One of her bonded's favorite sayings was that we fool ourselves so much we could make a living of it; or at least, most do. She was done fooling herself and knew exactly what that meant. She would find out just how often she had been fooling herself, would be forcing herself to see how much of a change it was, how many things would be different as she ripped the blindfold off her heart and eyes. A frolic in the flowers under a spring drizzle would no longer be as simple or innocent, not with such brutal honesty within her.

But it would mean more, because of it. And she was determined not to fail.

She hoped Avalanche would find a similar strength, eventually. She hoped he'd reach towards others, allow them to help him make sense of what he saw within him as he stopped hiding in that distance. She hoped this weak trembling in her heart as hope took root again after so long of being gone or bringing nothing but pain would only be the first in a very long run of changes that helped guide her back to living. Back to the light.

She had run out of words and let the silence spin out, her eyes soft and unfocused. Taking a breath, she tensed and swallowed hard, feeling her throat work nervously as she scrambled to her feet, crossing the starting point of the rest of her life. Frolic was strong, inside and out, and would get through it, but in no way would it be easy. She could accept that. Shaking the grasses from her coat, she looked towards the stallion and offered a small, bright smile - the first real smile to cross her face, one that wasn't an empty shadow, in so long she couldn't remember the last.

"I know of a good fruit tree not far from here. Getting my life back on track has made me hungry beyond all reason. Want to walk with me, my friend?"

It would take a while to settle comfortably into this new change, into living once again. But she would manage. Right now here eyes stung terribly from the tears she'd shed and her throat was dry and tight from fear, pain and crying. Soon, when she felt recovered enough, she'd examine the little pieces with the harsh and blunt eye of truth. And she'd keep moving, would grow through the pain with what she had, with all that she was and all that had happened. With a cruel and unfiltered truth of her own self. Now that the decision was made it seemed absurd that she had ever been so torn, that she had ever tried to distance herself in such a way. The thought of hiding was purely laughable; and really, what was this distance, the kind that had ripped her or the kind that had smothered the stallion, other than sheer hiding? Hiding from the very truths they carried with them always.

She was through hiding.

No more.
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Posting Goddess
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Post Mon Aug 23, 2010 1:34 pm

Re: And how does that make you feel?

He could've kicked himself for bringing the pain back to her. He knew it was a constant companion, but he'd made it fresh again. It warmed him through and through though, to see her concern. She had hope for him. And he knew he had plenty to hope for. There was indeed light and life everywhere.

He tried to remember the last time he was happy. Not merely content or numb, but overwhelmingly happy. There were so many things he was going to have to go back and do... racing an avalanche down the mountain, climbing to the very summit of the peak, sitting and watching the muffling silence of a snowfall...

The more he thought about it the angrier he became. At himself, mostly. For allowing the cold to numb him so much. For not realizing. His teeth clenched and ground in irritation and he itched to do something about it.

He realized the ladybug was scurrying in its buglike fashion across his cheek and up towards his ear, considered shaking his head to dislodge it, but refrained. It seemed to be an important little bug... an omen, as Frolic had said.

Part of what he had missed was the little details. He'd found the bush, yes, but he'd been looking for something damaged to point out to the green mare. Eyes swept around, taking in Frolic's gaze as she watched him again. It didn't bother him, though he'd turned the cold shoulder to others for the same 'crime' plenty of times lately. He nodded minutely to her, knowing the question in her eyes. Yes, he really got it this time. He was finally awake.

He saw the bush once more, and his eyes softened in both sadness and appreciation at its sad and proud beauty. Dozens of other plants and saplings sprouted nearby, under the cover of the older trees. Insects droned lightly, an occasional bird or animal would rustle or chitter, and the light danced through the trees to leave dapples on the ground. It was warm. Hot even. He chuckled as he realized that Frolic seemed to enjoy his cool air.

At her pronouncement he nodded gravely. "And I as well. 'Tis a good thing I'm not a very good victim for frostbite. It do not think I was running from the pain. Not exactly... It was more a drifting, a getting lost and letting my mind drift so much that I did not even realized it was missing. The pain was laced so strongly with confusion..."

He admired her strength, her fierceness. Somehow he felt a strange closure, though the ache was still there. Somehow he knew it was not the same for her. The shock was nearly as strong as the pain for him, since it was dulled. And the confusion was still there waiting to be worked through. Somehow he had a feeling he needed to have a long talk with his bonded.

And then he saw the smile. It wasn't a huge bubbly smile, but it was dazzling in its profoundness. His ears pricked forward and he answered the smile with one of his own; how could he not? He was overly aware of the muscles as they moved into the somewhat unfamiliar position. It felt slightly awkward, but it felt good. Right.

Fruit sounded like a tropical delicacy at this moment. "That... would be wonderful Lead on, milady.." He half heartedly wracked his brain for something lighter to chat about at they walked. But he didn't worry over it. This mare had -in the space of a single day and many, many emotions- become one of the best friends he'd ever had. Their circumstances were far from normal, so why trouble an attempt to make it normal now? They were what they were. And that was the beauty of it.
And I don't know how To slow it down Oh, my mind's racing From chasing pirates.
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Posting Elemental
Posting Elemental

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Post Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:48 pm

Re: And how does that make you feel?

She was highly aware of her legs as they walked, of the way the muscles moved and stretched and woke from having spent most of the afternoon laying on the ground in a defeated heap.

It wasn't a bad thing, but it was interesting. She hadn't realized, in quite a long while, just the way her skin moved around the massive spikes in the backs of her legs, or of how she moved those knees a little stiffly because of the extra bone sticking out.

It was actually interesting, in a way. She figures it out, or at least gets a start on it, and when she heads towards the fruit she can actively feel the life in her limbs. She couldn't say it was exactly ironic, but Frolic had a certain appreciation for it, in any case.

"You know, I haven't actually given any thought to things like this old fruit tree in.. I don't care to think how long. I used to eat from it all the time. I used to love this old tree, before."

She nodded here, indicating a large, gnarled old tree perhaps a half a league from them, now. Her face was quiet, thoughtful, but there was a slightly bitter edge to her voice.

"I'm pretty sure the fruit will be just as good as it always has been, but it won't be the same. It's different now."

Now that the last one had left her, broken from her. Now that she was different.

Just how much would be changed? How much had she changed, to see even this tree in a new way? As a memory of something that had been cherished, instead of something that still was?

"At least I know that, now. That's better than how it was. Part of me wishes I hadn't remembered anything, though.."

And if she hadn't? If she hadn't known her daughter, hadn't known her mate, hadn't known any of it? What would it be then? Nothing she wanted to consider. It would another terror in its own right, to be created anew in a world where she was anything but, haunted by a past she didn't even know.

"A small part. A very small part..."

She could smell the fruit now. It made her ears perk forward, her silken tail lifting slightly in expectation. Her throat was absolutely killing her. The juice in the fruit would be highly welcomed. She tried not to think of it beyond that and, thankfully, was moderately successful.
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Posting Goddess
Posting Goddess

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Post Sat Sep 25, 2010 4:23 pm

Re: And how does that make you feel?

OOC| Sorreh it took me so long >.< *braids icicles into Avvie's mane*

It was almost overwhelming, being woken to all of the senses that had been so dulled before. For a moment he simply stood and lifted his muzzle to the wind. This in itself was astonishing... not like the cold, crisp, almost cutting air he'd find in his home. Instead there was a warmth to the air, and dampness. He supposed a serian dwelling in scenery like this wouldn't notice it, but compared to the biting cold it was downright humid!

He could feel the mixing of the airs around him, the warmer air swirling around in lazy patterns as it rose above the cooler air that drifted around his short white coat. It wasn't even so much of a difference that smoke danced on the air, but he was very aware of the movement nonetheless.

Finally he realized he was lollygagging and he snapped to attention, feeling the ground beneath his hooves, trying to filter the background noises that should have seemed so gentle. He eyed the spikes on Frolic's legs with interest before turning attention to the fruit tree. Its scent was nearly intoxicating in its sweetness, the fruits at the height of ripeness. Her bitterness nipped at him, and sapphire eyes sharpened as he considered.

He knew some part of her knew this, but he felt he had to argue the point nonetheless. It was a realization dearly won. "It is a gift, that we can enjoy the sweetness. Though you're right. The fruit would not be as savory had we no bitter reminder to provide contrast." Ach. So formal! Most of his family fell into these tones often enough, but somehow it seemed to detract from things. It masked and harnessed emotion, something he'd practiced for so long he'd have to practice letting it go again.

"Things are going to be... interesting... when I return home. I'll have to keep more company. A lot more company. I don't believe I've ever seen Talon or Oak in the snow before. Nor Coal even." He supposed it'd be overwhelming. A smile twitched at his muzzle as he considered the possibilities.
And I don't know how To slow it down Oh, my mind's racing From chasing pirates.
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Posting Elemental
Posting Elemental

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Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2005 9:50 am

Location: Utah

Post Sun Sep 26, 2010 12:43 pm

Re: And how does that make you feel?

She had to grin a bit at the note to keep more company. She paused a moment, holding her silence for a scant few seconds; and then they were there. With a short jump, she snatched a fruit out of the tree, groaning in pleasure as the delicious treat exploded over her tongue in a volley of juices and textures. Ahhh, but it certainly soothed her poor throat as she swallowed. So much better.

"Not ever? I think every one of my bondedmates has visited my home, and I theres at some point. Flint seemed the most uncomfortable, but he didn't complain.. Do you know Flint? He's rather severe and of the Red Sands, so a rainforest is as far from ideal as it can get for him, compared to his prismatic desert."

She paused a moment here and then said something that had been tugging at her heart for some time. "The homes in our lands are so different, it makes me wonder a little bit. Hybrid, he's of my same alter, but his homeland is so very different from mine. A great valley between cliffs and mountains, there the air never manages to climb properly, a valley with a living stormcloud churning across the ground. Lightning flashes right beside you as you walk in that dampness and eat the thick, thick grass.. But my home.." She shook her head, slightly surprised at herself.

"This is why, I think. Why it would make me wonder. Because of things like today.. It's the same, really, but it's all so different. Today nothing changed except for us, but everything seems so different. It adds that bit of bitterness to make things all the sweeter, you're right. Odd, when you think of it, that something that is still the same can be so new in so many ways."

Another fruit, and she looked up at the tree, noting the shape and hue of the leaves, the way the branches twisted. She chewed thoughtfully, watching the plant grow, and thought that, like her and Hybrid's homes, of the same alter and yet so vastly different, it was the same and changed for her.

The fruit was ambrosia on her tongue, so sweet against this bitter truth.

OOC| Didna mean to run off last time, too! >< You gotted all quiet an' I got all tired and it was late enough for a snuggle-nap with my man to turn into crashing for the night... <33 :heart:
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