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Some critique, perhaps? :)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 3:13 pm
by Silverdust
I'm exploring the Fanfiction aspect of this board :) It's an idea I've been kicking around since I cemented my serians' personalities and back stories - one that's resurged since the board picked up again. Basically, it's a story about the relationships of several people living in the City (creativity, I know, wow). The characters are heavily based on the personalities of my serians, and the histories are mostly the same, except set in a different context. I guess it can be considered an alternate universe of sorts ^^;; I wrote up some pieces of the storyline, trying to find a basic feel for the style and mood, and I wouldn't mind a little bit of critique, since from what I gather we all seem to be a well-read crowd ;)

http://www.geocities.com/sythevir/piece1.htm
http://www.geocities.com/sythevir/piece2.htm
http://www.geocities.com/sythevir/piece3.htm

Comments, questions, suggestions? I'm trying to get back in the swing of writing things, because otherwise college will drive me insane...

Thanks for taking the time for feedback :D

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 3:41 pm
by Songhue
Shall read 'em soon as I'm not trying to keep awake. x3 Sorry for false hope on a real response, but I'll PM ya once I'm fully functional and can offer something better than, say "preeety font... *drool*"

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:30 pm
by Indigo Moon
Ahh. that's insane.

...now I'm totally gonna be thinking about this and not be able to concentrate on all my history homework...gah!

You write with a great hook, one that a lot of authors lack. There's a great vibe going throughout it, the plotline is intriguing (and in this case where I'm not going to be able to read the rest, suitably horrifying), and even though I hate second point of view, you still managed to get me into this. Make more!

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:39 pm
by Vineda
yes, yes make more! make more! very good style/attitude throughout, makes you pay attention but want to pay attention... complex relationships with lots to them, believable, followable, want more-able :D

now i be checking back to find more all the time instead of doing like i'm supposed to and ignoring the computer with all it's sionayra-y internetness calling to me... and I was doing so good since the site's been so quiet. :angel:

sorry *looks away* i don't feel very good at giving feedback - but i really like it!

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:48 pm
by Silverdust
Thank you guys both for the reviews :heart: In fact you don't know how happy you've made me - I was really worried about the relationships maintaining a degree of believability, but it seems I've done an okay job so far :) I usually feel that my characters seem fake, or too dramatic >.<

I am sorry for distracting you guys, though :oops: I'll post a little bit more as it comes to me...there's a sequential storyline but it seems I can only write it in fragments...

Thanks again *gives cookies*

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:05 pm
by Vineda
ah, distraction shmishtraction - worth it! plus i'm itchin' to see foxx's newest creations and to meet new members who seem to be trickling in : ) so i'm constantly lurking in the shadows here for one reason or another. i just like to convince myself otherwise :evil:

your characters' drama fits the drama of the situation, so eez all good, no?

thanks much for sharing! *munches a cookie*