Some critique, perhaps? :)


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Elder
Elder

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Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2005 1:00 pm

Location: USA

Post Tue Oct 14, 2008 3:13 pm

Some critique, perhaps? :)

I'm exploring the Fanfiction aspect of this board :) It's an idea I've been kicking around since I cemented my serians' personalities and back stories - one that's resurged since the board picked up again. Basically, it's a story about the relationships of several people living in the City (creativity, I know, wow). The characters are heavily based on the personalities of my serians, and the histories are mostly the same, except set in a different context. I guess it can be considered an alternate universe of sorts ^^;; I wrote up some pieces of the storyline, trying to find a basic feel for the style and mood, and I wouldn't mind a little bit of critique, since from what I gather we all seem to be a well-read crowd ;)

http://www.geocities.com/sythevir/piece1.htm
http://www.geocities.com/sythevir/piece2.htm
http://www.geocities.com/sythevir/piece3.htm

Comments, questions, suggestions? I'm trying to get back in the swing of writing things, because otherwise college will drive me insane...

Thanks for taking the time for feedback :D
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Posting Elemental
Posting Elemental

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Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2005 9:50 am

Location: Utah

Post Tue Oct 14, 2008 3:41 pm

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

Shall read 'em soon as I'm not trying to keep awake. x3 Sorry for false hope on a real response, but I'll PM ya once I'm fully functional and can offer something better than, say "preeety font... *drool*"
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Regular
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Post Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:30 pm

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

Ahh. that's insane.

...now I'm totally gonna be thinking about this and not be able to concentrate on all my history homework...gah!

You write with a great hook, one that a lot of authors lack. There's a great vibe going throughout it, the plotline is intriguing (and in this case where I'm not going to be able to read the rest, suitably horrifying), and even though I hate second point of view, you still managed to get me into this. Make more!
And when all the world came back,
And the light crept up between the shutters,
And you heard the sparrows in the gutters,
You had such a vision of the street
As the street hardly understands.
- T.S. Eliot

Evil is plotting your death. Cold is not caring you died.
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Posting Goddess
Posting Goddess

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Location: East of the Sun and West of the Moon

Post Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:39 pm

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

yes, yes make more! make more! very good style/attitude throughout, makes you pay attention but want to pay attention... complex relationships with lots to them, believable, followable, want more-able :D

now i be checking back to find more all the time instead of doing like i'm supposed to and ignoring the computer with all it's sionayra-y internetness calling to me... and I was doing so good since the site's been so quiet. :angel:

sorry *looks away* i don't feel very good at giving feedback - but i really like it!
And I don't know how To slow it down Oh, my mind's racing From chasing pirates.
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Elder
Elder

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Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2005 1:00 pm

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Post Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:48 pm

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

Thank you guys both for the reviews :heart: In fact you don't know how happy you've made me - I was really worried about the relationships maintaining a degree of believability, but it seems I've done an okay job so far :) I usually feel that my characters seem fake, or too dramatic >.<

I am sorry for distracting you guys, though :oops: I'll post a little bit more as it comes to me...there's a sequential storyline but it seems I can only write it in fragments...

Thanks again *gives cookies*
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Posting Goddess
Posting Goddess

Posts: 1035

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 10:00 am

Location: East of the Sun and West of the Moon

Post Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:05 pm

Re: Some critique, perhaps? :)

ah, distraction shmishtraction - worth it! plus i'm itchin' to see foxx's newest creations and to meet new members who seem to be trickling in : ) so i'm constantly lurking in the shadows here for one reason or another. i just like to convince myself otherwise :evil:

your characters' drama fits the drama of the situation, so eez all good, no?

thanks much for sharing! *munches a cookie*
And I don't know how To slow it down Oh, my mind's racing From chasing pirates.
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