Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:26 am by Songhue
The only place to start is with yourself.
She hadn't meant to simply blurt it out, but then again she hadn't realized that simple truth herself until that moment. The silence had stretched and she had fumbled in her mind, trying to piece together a thought that seemed whole. He also seemed to have trouble; he seemed a bit fractured still, and at a loss. She was left to carry the conversation.
You start with yourself, she repeated, mostly talking to herself at the moment as the thoughts all clinked into something solid, Who you are now. Who you were is gone, and what happened doesn't determine what's left. Start with what there is now. I... I am...
She half closed her eyes as the thought, thinking of home. Large leaves to shade the piglets, and fresh fruits for the monkeys up high. Seeds dropped from the very tops of the trees, birds of every sound and color, creatures that were neither doe nor cat but a mixture thereof. Frogs; so many frogs! She had grown to be incredibly fond of the little beasts. And the rain, the constant, humid drizzle that tinkled and fed the lakes and falls and great wide leaves that sheltered her, bringing blossoms of every kind and color in tree and bush and earth, blossoms that would be berries, blossoms that would feed the hummingbirds, blossoms that would bring a moth and some strange squirrel-like creatures all in the same day. Owls and mongooses and fish in the water, always there was some sound, some hum, and always the rain, rain, rain as the blossoms grew larger.
Tranquility. Where she had hidden while repairing her fractured sanity, while accepting that every member in her family had had their mind broken at least once, if not more.
She was at peace with it now. She knew who she was now. She was a mother, a mare, a Serian that enjoyed a good hard roll in fresh fallen leaves after a long storm. She enjoyed flowers and the sound of rain and birds and especially all the frogs. She enjoyed laughter, but she had grown up far too much for that to be the basis of her days now; frolic did not seek to prance through the broad-leafed branches, merely to enjoy them. She knew how to fight, and she knew how to love. She had brought forth foals, and she had lost them.
It was time to find them again.
She knew who she was now. She was stronger again; what had happened was done. Who she was, what she had been through, it was all beyond her. Now, she watched the shadows change to know when night was coming - the tops of the trees was an entirely different world, one which hid the secrets of the sky. Now, she had a family to find once again, and not for her own sake, not to get them back. She had a family to find in order to take her place among them again; now that she knew who she would be within it. And now, she had a massive love for frogs.
Find who you are, she said again, and climbed once more to her feet. It will take time, but eventually history has to let go. Once you know who you are, you've taken the first step.
And then she turned and took the next step - back out into the fields, hoping to find her daughter, her son, her mate; or perhaps a portal to their very home.
She knew who she had become. Now it was time to embrace this new life; the new her.
