A solitary tear, how shameful. [For Vision]


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Post Sat Aug 13, 2005 6:10 pm

A solitary tear, how shameful. [For Vision]

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The cascade of silver across her face was nothing new, she always hid in this fashion when she was upset, or felt the pang of shame which she felt now. He'd saved her life just as much as Chaos had, and he was just as unobtainable. Or so she felt. Their last talk had been brief and painful, and they'd not had nearly enough words passed between them. A silken pillow gave clear evidence of her sulking frustration, stained in one spot to a crimson perfection, though the actual colour was a vibrant rose. The incense about her only seemed to cloud her thoughts whereas normally it might have helped her mind.

"He seems to distort everything I think is true about me." She commented aloud to herself. It was true, she felt like an entirely different Serian around Vision, as if her normal self was just an act and he stripped away the mask and makeup, leaving her bare and vulnerable. She fell for it every time too. There wasn't a word she could keep sealed when he asked her to speak, no matter how much she tried.

But it was time to stop this foolish sulking. He'd promised to speak to her after the party, and she'd just gotten back from a rather tiring experience. The clear sound of hooves clicking on the marbled stone of her floor made her start, laying a mass of silvery mane over the pillow to hide her shameful self pity. Her eyes were open and clear and it seemed as if everything was fine. Just how she wanted it to be, at least, she wanted it to start like this.

"Vision, is that you?"
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Post Tue Aug 16, 2005 10:19 pm

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Just as she hid her face from the world with her silvery mane, he hid his face from everyone under a mask of shining gold. His affliction tormented him. Despite the fact that, on the surface, he was a stallion of impeccable breeding, graceful, kind and sincere, his soul was blackened by his own bitterness and self loathing. The mask was merely to reassure himself, to cover himself. To hide the spirit within himself that he hated, and to hide his blindness from himself. To hide the beautiful eyes that he and the rest of the world knew were dead. He knew it had the opposite effect... the bright gold only served to draw attention to himself. But somehow, he had rationalized that it covered him... protected him...it was his crutch.

When he was a foal, he had thought that the whole world was intended to be dark forever. Then he realized that everyone else thought and saw in colour. He couldn't even comprehend what colour was. He had never seen shapes, pictures... fellow Serians. He relied on touch, and grew angry, because he yearned, above all, to see what he loved most. For such a brilliant gentle foal, he had been sentenced to a lifetime of darkness that was so contrary to his nature that it seemed to slowly kill him.

When he met Frost, it was as if he had touched the very soul of a kindred spirit. She knew what it was to hide from everyone... she knew what it meant to hate, to deny and to be denied. He could feel that she knew what it was like to be betrayed. There were so many emotions that she understood... so many things that she could empathize with. Yet somehow, he sensed that she was denying herself a world of good.. she deserved so much more than she was willing to give herself. She was torturing herself... much as he was doing, but was unwilling to admit aloud.

At the party, it had been painful. There was such a powerful connection between both the mares in his life. Frost understood him to an extent that no one ever had before, whether she realized it or not. Wave gave him her love unconditionally, and was everything light in the world. Frost was to Wave what night was to day. And he loved them both for it.

He had wanted to speak longer to her... had wanted to tell her everything that his head was trying to piece together. But the wounds were all too raw, and he had found that the words had gotten stuck in his throat. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't utter them without choking, couldn't hear her without wincing, couldn't touch her without visibly shaking. Now, he thought he was ready... ready to talk without collapsing into a heap. He hoped...

He winced as he heard the abnormally loud clap of his hooves on the marble. Everything seemed amplified... as if the moment of truth was near, and his senses were on overload, while they adjusted to the intense emotions in the air. He let out a small snort of disgust with himself. So much for being relatively silent... he heard her voice called out, and he shivered. Oddly enough, as he moved towards her, he didn't stumble... didn't hesitate. It was as if the place was familiar to him... as if he had been here before...

"Frost..." he said simply, settling directly opposite her. He lay on the ground, legs tucked up comfortably underneath him, the proud arch of his neck never altering, despite the fact that he felt that the cares of the world were on his shoulders. "I promised I'd come back..." he added in a whisper.
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Post Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:10 pm

Somehow just the sight of him being so near made her breath catch in her throat. It only took a look for everything to come flooding back, and it always hurt a little more each time she saw him. At first, he had been reluctant to trust her, but when that faded... well, it was one of the best feelings in the world. From the moment she saw him, she had been able to see through the golden cloth, see what his eyes would have revealed to her had they been able to do so. She could look into him and pull out every little pain, because she knew what to look for. The signs of her own pain. It took her a few tries to form a sentence in her mind, but it was still caught in emotional turmoil. As easily as she saw into him, she knew he could read her. They were connected on a level more intimate than could normally be shared by any two Serians, be they blood or mated.

The incense swam into her mind and left her feeling dizzy, or perhaps that was just the effect he had on her? She remembered the first smile he gave her, and how it had made her choke on air, vision blurring. He was one of the most gorgeous things she'd ever seen, if not the very most. And living with someone like Chaos, well... that meant a lot. She had thought she loved Chaos once, but in reality it was just the pain of rejection that made her turn to the first caring male she could find. Not to mention, in contrast to her dark and avoiding personality, there was a contained vixen of seduction, and she came to surface at the most unexpected moments. However, the only inbetween she'd even known, had been the way she'd acted around Vision. Just being near him set her free.

However, she was not one to toy with another's emotions. And as much as she wanted to share everything with him, and unravel his beautiful mystery... well, she knew this could never be. He was in love with another, and lost to her forever. Her indecision and stubborn independence had cost her the love of her life. So now she'd pay the price. A cold, betrayed look remained in her eyes as she fought the pain, and she was at least grateful that he couldn't see her, losing her composure before him and falling to pieces while he remained looking so composed and collected. It simply didn't seem fair. Was he so unnaffected by her emotions? No, she was being foolish and pitying herself again. He hurt just as bad as she, if not worse. And she had to keep reminding herself that this was why she had to give him his freedom, as he deserved to have.

And every time that thought came to mind she found herself picturing their idle talks, everything and nothing just seeming to flow. Then they'd have their hours of silence, connected on that special level where they seemed to feed off each others enjoyment of the surroundings and atmosphere and general feel of the day, or night if it were. And, so many times, she'd wanted to say something about her feelings... and it wasn't that she was afraid of rejection- it was quite the opposite! She'd spent so long hiding away, feeling ashamed of herself and her past. Feeling she had to prove herself to herself, and that to involve anyone else would be to drag them down with her. All this self doubt, it ate away at her to a point where she felt she could never admit her feelings to him. Because he had the same feelings as she.

Stupid stubborn independence! She had nothing to blame but herself. A broken record, that thought had fluttered through her mind too many times before. Now, even as that was lost, she'd begun to sacrifice so many other things as well. Locking herself away to her own thoughts and personal mental hell. She'd somehow blocked a part of their connection, afraid to see his true thoughts, the equivalent to avoiding the eyes of another because you're afraid of what you'll see. This was what she had to face, and she felt regret, oh yes, but what could be done now? It was too late, she had even more reason not to want to be able to read him like she used to. She didn't want to see what he thought about the mare she'd seen before, Wave. She didn't want to know if his feelings for her had faded. She'd rather have her naive comforts.

She almost missed him saying her name, voice strong and full of purpose. Her lip quivered just before she heard him whisper. That soft whisper made her eyes flutter and a soft smile touch her lips. She could feel the emotion behind it, and it reassured her more than anything else. "I knew you'd come. I've missed you..." She started, losing her pre-planned sentence as her mind seemed to blank with a bright fuzzy feeling. "I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble with my little scene..." She chuckled uneasily, ducking her head into that mass of moonlight mane ever so slightly.
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Post Sat Sep 03, 2005 11:24 pm

Vision turned his head ever so slightly to the side, as he tried to absorb all the feelings that were flooding his senses at once. The smell of the incense filled him with a sense of deja vu... the familiar presence and smell of Frost, the general warmth of the room contrasting so boldly with the cold hard marble of the floors... all of it felt so... right. As if he had lived this life before, been in this moment with her before, and was just now returning to it, once again. It was comfortable in that sense. Comfortable because he felt, for once, at one with his environment. He felt like he knew this place, and could step about in it like he never had been able to do with Talia's cottage. Maybe...just maybe...

With a certain amount of painful apprehension, he gently shook off the golden silk that covered his eyes and let it slither noiselessly to the floor. Ever so hesitantly, he let one eye blink open... and barely supressed a sigh when, once again, he still remained in the dark. For once he had desperately hoped beyond all else that he could see the place that he instinctively felt so at home in... that he could see the figure that had haunted his dreams. But still, his eyes, both of them now open, fixed on a distant point and revealed nothing. He felt a lump in his throat, one that he feebly wished would disappear... he hated to appear weak... even though he knew that Frost wasn't one to pity or taunt. But he knew that she'd see those brilliantly blue eyes and know that they couldn't see her. He could never live up to what she deserved, not because he was blind, but because he could never truly live in the same world as she.

How ironic to be called Vision when you couldn't see.

He didn't replace the cloth... there was no point. He didn't feel the need anymore to cover himself in her presence... there was no point when she could see into the deepest core of his being merely with a look. What made him think that a mask could hide any of that? Boldly, he "looked" in her general direction, and let his mind play with unformed images in his head. His nose flared as he inhaled the heady scent of the incense and for a brief moment he stirred from his reverie to move to her side instead. It was one thing to face her, but quite another to almost feel a phantom presence by his side. It was the closest thing he'd ever know to actually seeing something, for their actual presence was so near that one could almost form shapes in their head. However, just being near her caused another emotion that he tried in vain to hide. His chest constricted painfully as his breathing quickened to match the pain in his heart. Never had he felt so alone, so incomplete. Just knowing that he could never be with her, never love her the same way he loved Wave, made his world crumble. He didn't love either of them any less.. quite the contrary. But Frost was something he could never have... not without a terrible price to the two of them. He couldn't save her when he could barely save himself... he couldn't be what she needed. She needed a hero, and he was barely a foal at his best moments, wandering the world blindly in hopes that one day, he'd be able to see.

There were times when her presence gave him joy... there still were those moments. Fondly, he remembered times at the cottage when he just had to be near her to feel happy, and to forget that for once, he wasn't like the others. He could feed off of her happiness, and feel completely at home wherever he was as long as she was there. He hadn't known what that meant back then... probably because it was a deeper wealth of feeling that he had never experienced before. It wasn't as simple as love... love seemed so uncomplicated in comparison to what he and Frost shared. But it was far more meaningful than family, or even a bond. It was the strangest sensation, and in some respects, he still had yet to name it.

He shook himself out of his emotional cage, and brought himself back to the painful reality he had put himself in. Frost's voice whispered at his side, ever so lightly, yet his attuned senses barely had to strain themselves in order to catch her softly spoken sentence.

"I've missed you too..." he said, equally as soft and without hesitation. With a slight frown, he shook his head as he heard the soft tumble of her mane, and knew that she was hiding. Gently, he lipped at the loose strands of hair and nuzzled her face.

"You didn't cause trouble," he said with a determined edge to his voice. "No amount of trouble that couldn't be solved with a simplistic explanation."

He hadn't even had to explain anything really... not that he might have been able to anyway. He still wasn't sure how to explain the tumult of emotions. Wave had wanted to know, but Wave wasn't one to pry... she'd ask if she knew he was willing or able for that matter.

"Don't hide," he mumbled, vocalizing his previous thoughts. He nosed the arch of her neck ever so slightly, gently pushing more mane to the side in the process. Inwardly, he was frustrated. He couldn't see her...
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Post Sun Sep 04, 2005 10:57 am

Oh how her heart ached just having him near, so many songs came to mind. These soft love songs that Tig had listened to, Frostbite had taken to learning how to make them play and sometimes just sat and bathed in the emotion they produced, because it was like listening to someone explain exactly how she felt to her. It almost felt like she had someone with her who could understand. Somehow the room felt warmer with Vision's radiance contained within it. The soft silks and satins seeming like coarse wool compared to his velvety smile, the one she wanted to see so desperately.

She was about to speak again when she noticed the beautiful cloth before his eyes loosen, and found her eyes followed it to the floor, almost afraid to look up as if he wouldn't want her to look into his eyes. But she'd wanted this more than she'd wanted anything in her life. Her heart raced as her eyes greedily looked up and found his. It was then that she felt her heart shatter. "Your eyes... they're so beautiful..." She breathed, fighting back a swoon. Everything about him was so amazing, and whereas some might now be disturbed by his 'imperfection', she was amazed.

So many emotions ran through her and brought tears of sadness and joy to her ruby orbs. She knew she was the first and only one to see those stunning eyes, to have him so boldly expose himself to her. He hid from everyone, but not her. With her, he was free. The realization of this only made the tears pour harder, and as he moved to her side she basically collapsed against him, knowing he'd understand, he always did. Why, why was it the only thing she needed was the one thing she couldn't have?! Her mind filled with rage at the world, it was so unfair! She loved him so much, and she'd never love another the way she loved him. Nobody could understand her like he did, and with what he'd just did, she was pretty sure nobody could do something so amazing for her.

She allowed him to move the mane and nuzzled him back, pressing against him and wanting to just fall into him and lose herself, never to wake up. The soft words made her smile, and boldly she shook back the mane from her face completely, turning to him and exposing her eyes, and everything that lie within, all the emotion, the tears, everything she used that soft curtain to hide. For him, the curtain was drawn and she lie bare and exposed as much as one ever could. "I won't. Not in front of you." She said softly, her voice sounding oddly even for feeling so choked by tears.

"I'm glad that I didn't cause any trouble..." She said, but couldn't continue the sentence, which might have ended with 'between you and Wave'. No, that was too hard to say right now. Especially with him so close, and the emotions using her as a puppet. She smiled the first true smile she'd given in a long time, and didn't know why. Other than the fact that they both had shed their masks, and now let evreything run between them. Her mind opened up and allowed every thought and feeling to run loose, it only hurt more when she'd been trying to hide and keep everything locked up. "Vision, I love you. With all my heart and soul." She admitted, the words feeling so natural, just flowing through her lips as if it were a perfectly normal situation.
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Post Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:29 am

Re: A solitary tear, how shameful. [For Vision]

He could feel her eyes upon him, that faint sensory feeling of "being watched". Inwardly, he cowered, absorbed in his own self loathing. He was weak. A sniveling foal. Nothing more. He couldn't protect her from the world any more than he could fix his sight. And now, he was exposed. A brave move, but stupid at best. He could feel the heat of his own shame creep across his face, betraying his emotions. Quietly, he cursed himself for that as well. How could she possibly want to be with him now? It was evident that he would never be what she needed. It wasn't a matter of her being better than him. He understood that they were equals. It was the fact that he had convinced himself so ardently that she would be better off without him. That she had enough turmoil in her life, and having him as an integral part of her world would only bring her more heartache. And he wouldn't do that- couldn't do that. The thought of causing her more pain made him visibly quiver, and a lump formed in his throat as he was overcome by emotion. He couldn't shelter her, couldn't save her from herself and her memories. So what use was he? What did she want from him?!

He swallowed hard at her comment, and resisted the urge to make a derogatory noise in response. She was being kind, of that he was sure. How she could see his blindness as beautiful was something he couldn't understand, but none the less, he nodded at the compliment, gracious as ever.

Instantly he thought of Wave and his mind was jerked cruelly away from the situation at hand. How had he gotten himself into that predicament? Here, now, was a mare that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had indescribable feelings for. Feelings that were so momentous that he was unable to truly put them into words. I love you was an understatement. And the only thing that was holding him back from declaring his thoughts was his own need to protect her from... himself, in essence. And Wave... the little mare was sunny, sweet, loving... but he didn't deserve that either, and refused to inflict himself upon her. Resolutely, he shook his head. No matter what she might feel for him, however undeclared, and what he might feel for her, also undeclared, it could never come to pass. He wouldn't let it. The situation was now clear, where there had been doubt. He would not leech onto someone that pure for the rest of his life. He could never forgive himself for it if he did. And he would explain that to her next time he saw her.

Turning back to the situation at hand, he sighed audibly. There was no solution to this mess. He jerked slightly in surprise as she pressed against him. Instantly, thoughts of her at his side like this for the remainder of his life danced through his head, but he cast them away bitterly. He would allow himself to enjoy the moment, for now, but he could not become consumed by it. It would be his undoing, and hers.

With a small tentative smile, he nuzzled her mane and rested his muzzle on the gentle arch of her neck. He could feel how tense she was- he could sense the raw emotion coursing through her. And it made him feel that much worse. Why was he staying here, even now? He was hurting her more by the minute. He choked back the lump that rose again, unbidden, to his throat. He had no right, absolutely no right to do this to her. Yet, he was a puppet to his own emotions. It was as if his body, his heart, was acting on its own accord, forcing him to move, bending him to its will. All the while, his common sense screamed for recognition. He felt himself move so that he faced her, so close that they were muzzle to muzzle, his forehead resting against her own, feather light. It was then that she proclaimed her feelings for him- he went stalk still in response, his whole body rigid, consumed by its own internal conflict.

"Frost... I...I..." he started, unable for once to control the stammer in his voice, cursing himself for the foal that he was. His voice wasn't even his own- he sounded wooden in comparison, none of the familiar genteel lilt.

Don't say it you idiot! It'll break her! She doesn't need you! his mind screamed, the words almost deafening, with the exception of one tiny whisper of doubt...

I love you. I love you. Always have. Always will. It replayed in his mind, over and over again, until it began to increase in volume equal to that of his common sense. It became his mantra. His lips began to move in response, in violation of his will. He shook with the mental exertion.

"I loo... I lovv... I love you... I love you..." he repeated, his voice gaining strength with repetition.
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