Sun Apr 29, 2012 1:37 am by Songhue
The first sensation was shock; then came terror. He was talking to her, pleading almost; and then literally. And all while having lowered himself on one of his front knees. But no, he couldn't be submitting to her; this had to be a trick. If she disobeyed the role he placed her in, that would be combating his will; yet if she stepped up as the one to actually decide rather or not he got the chance to repair the damage, that would undermine her being a good and proper mate. Or at least what she had fixed in her mind as a good and proper mate; silent, and without personality or trouble.
Following the terror, and quite swiftly, came the words. She had gone too long holding them in; days upon days worth of emotions began to spew out of her, completely unabated.
You hurt me, she murmured, her own voice trembling with barely suppressed pain, Thy silver promises won my heart whereupon ye disappeared, then ye plant me with thy seed and disappear, and when thou doth return and I search - I push for some fair signal of remorse to know that thy hath returned in good faith and shall rightly admit to the wrongs thy hath wrought upon mine heart, there is only resistance and even anger. Upon my defeat doth a comforting word come, and only thence! Thereupon I am left again, for thy recovery, and thereupon doth ample time for reflection come.
Thou doth request a chance to grant time and proof of thy love, which thy own self hath profusely proclaimed and yet rarely shown. Though the actions thou presenteth are endearing, thy consideration for my heart-health hath proved minuscule. Upon the fetching of a blossom ye blame thy actions, and even proclaim that there was naught else to be found in choices of actions. And true though it may be, where hath been thy remorse for this pain it hath brought me previously? Why doth thou not care before this moment?
Ye love me, or so is thy proclamation. Then tell me, oh light of my heart, how it is that such decisions are made to turn my own life upon its very head, without so much as the faith of there being a solid ground beneath for which I may stabilize upon? Thou doth hold my heart and soul upon thy very whim, and yet ye grant me naught for comfort whereupon the time for such a change doth come. Ye are to be expected to leave, aye, but am I to so willingly accept this abandonment? Where is the safety of the key aspect of my very life granting me naught but farewell before leaving me to adjust alone, without so much as a hope for how to proceed? It is not so easy to change all that I am, for you hold that importance upon me; whereupon a change is made in regards to thy own self, so it doth reflect upon my entire life. Mayhaps it is wrong to hold such a love for thyself, and mayhap it is a hindrance to be so needed, yet if this is so then I am wrong and shall accept due punishment for I do care too much to be so easily tossed to the winds. And if not easily, then perhaps some sign be granted before such time hath passed.
I seek not your unhappiness, my dearest love, but only thy affections. Is it so easy to abandon me? Doth it cause you no upset; am I so easily discarded to my own devices, left to adjust to a world without thy sweet kiss? If it is so then discard me, and do not return! I want only that I am missed in turn, and that the adjustment of those left behind be considered. Is this so much? Can thy claim it is so difficult to grant me stability even while I grant thee unbound freedoms and so sacrifice a part of this very dependency I require?
Wouldst thee so easily leave me behind, uncaring of my needs for thee here at home? Be it that easy to cast me aside without further thought? How hath I so wronged thee as to garner such misery, to have this security torn asunder? Nary a solid home any longer, nor any dependency upon thyself, for upon any moment all may be again tossed about. There is no future in that, no safety to be found. Or is that to become thy future, to have it be normal for such upset? Is this instability all there is to look forward to? Can thou grand me nothing more? Stability, the knowledge that thy love hath thou wishing for my company and yon home, is it too much to expect? If so, perhaps then ye should be cast upon the winds to be forever untethered. If ye lack a desire to remain, then may it be so, for thy own happiness and for the final death to my heart! I shall not be robbed a home, nor a sense of security. Not for thy wandering whims, nor natural talents, nor any other. Take from me my soul and shatter it if it must be, if it brings thee joy, yet do not ask that I live in upset devoid of stability. Do not ask that I bleed eternal for thy joys; not if even a single word of thy love holds true. There is only so much I can give. If I ask too much in turn, leave now and may ye never again cause my tears to fall.
She paused, just long enough to take a hiccuping breath as another tear fell down her nose, her body trembling with her voice, and after that breath said what was hardest. She had prepared herself for pain; she was not prepared to hope.
Yet if thy speaketh the truth, if it is thy wish to remain, then do not begin such a vow upon a light heart. Thou hath abandoned me and now holds the expectation, or at the least a hope of returning. Do not make this a decision to regret. Do not hurt me in such a way again.
The very idea had her twitching, her body heaving in a gagging cough. It was quite lucky that it was physically impossible for her to throw up, else she would have been dangerously close. To grant him that trust again only to have it betrayed by another abandonment; the very concept made her sick with distress.
Path did not have a need of others; yet when she entrusted herself to someone, it was with a fullness that rivaled the unwavering light of a summer sun.
Return to me then, my Pixie love, resume thy place within thy Circle, thy family and all thy homes, both of thy own and your share in mine and the Circle's lands. Bring forth this adjustment, and with it the hope of a true future, for it is beyond me to deny my love. Upon thy tongue lays a claim of thy desire to return, and so I shall accept it and in turn you, granting the forgiveness of pains brought. Yet ye dare not harm me again, sweet lover. Ye dare not for it would shatter my very soul.
Come to me, my dearest, and hold me, for still it seems as if thy figure is but an illusion of my mind. Yet tread tenderly, for the bruises still remain upon the scars wielded by thy choices. Drive me no further away, I implore you, for I have not the strength to return on my own.
With that, her legs gave out and she crumbled to the ground, her head hanging so low as to nearly allow her nose to touch the soft leaves beneath her. She was, in earnest, defeated. She could not deny him, though he had hurt her so, and she could not complete the breaking of her heart without his aid. She could not stop loving him through feeling nothing and so negate the pain; and she could not turn away the source of the pain.
Path was forced to continue living, and so suffering, through her love.
And, in time, healing through the very same that had nearly broken her.
