Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 9:28 am
"There's different ways they show themselves," Songhue mumured, experiance tight in her voice. "It may seem like there's many, but there's just the sixteen showing themselves in different forms. And I'm affraid it's not like you think; there's still the internal battles. We can just use our demons for training. There's always a darkness in everyone no matter what you do, but it does help one find peace when you're face to face with them. It only lasts while you're in battle though."
She paused here, thinking, pondering, and finally laid out the seeds; that's all that remained of her apple. Her kind could eat all but seeds, leaving nothing else to waste. "It was good. The apple. But...No, it's not our own fears and doubts we face. It's that side that feeds on them, worsens them, makes you want to give in and just hide from what you think could hurt you. They're a part of every creature, great or small, and the more you indulge them in their feast of pain the greater they are. I try to indulge as little as possible; that's why I faced four instead of one."
She didn't mention that the way she didn't indulge was by not feeling much of anything, or by giving free chances to leave before someone could really hurt her. She was, in all honesty, still waiting for Wolfy to decide she was too frail, or too dark, or too haunted, or simply too intense with those soft blue-grey eyes. Nor did she mention the fact that those inner demons had been used to fuel her after her parents had died. She'd done many things she regretted, none of which she felt would be understood.
Letting her eyes wander over the quickly healing bruise that lay straight out to the side to save her joint any more shock she thought of how extreme others had seen her and of how it'd been so hard to keep those shadows from stealing her inner sun when time after time someone turned away from her. But she had, and she'd made it to her parent's level of control; four or five monters from the same level since they were so rarely fed. She should feel proud of that, she knew, but she only felt sad that it had been so hard for her not to become that which had attacked her home in the first place. It felt like a betrayal of some kind.
"The happier someone is," she explained, simply wanting to talk to better control her thoughts, "The less they have to feed their darkness. But the same shadow, the same demon that twists one thing can just as easily twist something else in a different way and make it feel like there's more. The only reason for fighting them in any physical since is to improve your skill in battle. It does nothing for what's inside."
Ah, well, at least she could improve something. And if nothing else, this new friend would come to hold a better understanding of her. She still dared to hope after all this time, and it was almost bittersweet that she could dare to feel something light at all.
She paused here, thinking, pondering, and finally laid out the seeds; that's all that remained of her apple. Her kind could eat all but seeds, leaving nothing else to waste. "It was good. The apple. But...No, it's not our own fears and doubts we face. It's that side that feeds on them, worsens them, makes you want to give in and just hide from what you think could hurt you. They're a part of every creature, great or small, and the more you indulge them in their feast of pain the greater they are. I try to indulge as little as possible; that's why I faced four instead of one."
She didn't mention that the way she didn't indulge was by not feeling much of anything, or by giving free chances to leave before someone could really hurt her. She was, in all honesty, still waiting for Wolfy to decide she was too frail, or too dark, or too haunted, or simply too intense with those soft blue-grey eyes. Nor did she mention the fact that those inner demons had been used to fuel her after her parents had died. She'd done many things she regretted, none of which she felt would be understood.
Letting her eyes wander over the quickly healing bruise that lay straight out to the side to save her joint any more shock she thought of how extreme others had seen her and of how it'd been so hard to keep those shadows from stealing her inner sun when time after time someone turned away from her. But she had, and she'd made it to her parent's level of control; four or five monters from the same level since they were so rarely fed. She should feel proud of that, she knew, but she only felt sad that it had been so hard for her not to become that which had attacked her home in the first place. It felt like a betrayal of some kind.
"The happier someone is," she explained, simply wanting to talk to better control her thoughts, "The less they have to feed their darkness. But the same shadow, the same demon that twists one thing can just as easily twist something else in a different way and make it feel like there's more. The only reason for fighting them in any physical since is to improve your skill in battle. It does nothing for what's inside."
Ah, well, at least she could improve something. And if nothing else, this new friend would come to hold a better understanding of her. She still dared to hope after all this time, and it was almost bittersweet that she could dare to feel something light at all.